I know from experience that every healing journey has moments of hitting rock bottom.
Last week, I was shocked and disappointed by the US election results. Standing in front of my mirror in my yoga space, I gave myself time to process the emotions through movement. I shook, moved, pushed, and grieved. Then I stared at my inner child drawing on my wall:
I felt my perpetual optimism crumbling away. And, oddly, I felt relieved to let go of my pattern of clinging to a hopeful future.
I realized that I didn’t need to believe humanity’s future is bright in order to feel okay inside.
More than ever before, I feel centered in self-love and inner stability.
As I released my gripping attachment to needing external things to fit my definition of hope,
that gave me the power of choice.
Do I want to choose optimism or cynicism and despair?
Later on Wednesday night, I realized this question is not an either/or. I can hold both.
I realized I could hold hope in one hand and despair in another without getting overwhelmed.
We don’t have to push away the darkness we feel inside as long as we are willing to dance with our shadow. As humans, we have the capacity to allow grief, despair, rage, and fear while also staying connected to our innate wisdom and wholeness.
Practicing simultaneous awareness brought me back to myself.
Then, a conversation with my friend Catherine led me to start looking at the bigger picture.
She said, “We haven’t yet hit rock bottom as a country. And hitting rock bottom might be just what we need to start picking up the pieces and healing.”
Her insight landed right in my gut because hitting rock bottom has been essential in my own healing journey.
Being thrust into a dark place when I suffered from tendinitis at age 19 led me to start healing my shame and trauma.
Since I believe our collective relationship with shame played a big role in this election, I want to pause here and talk about the two ways people deal with shame before they learn to heal:
1. Internalizing shame: people interpret painful experiences as evidence that something is wrong with them. They start to believe, “I am bad.”
2. Externalizing shame: because the feeling, “I am bad,” is too overwhelming, people may externalize their feelings by hurling hatred, judgment, criticism, or abuse on to others. Blaming other people to avoid feeling buried shame seems to be a popular coping mechanism right now!
While certain people may gravitate more toward internalizing or externalizing their shame, I believe we have all experienced both strategies at some point, myself included. I have resorted to heavy-handed blame or passing along my pain in the past. And I forgive myself, because it’s the only way to stop piling on the shame!
The good news is we have a third option: healing.
By bringing our shame into the light with love and compassion, it dissipates.
I know this in my bones because I used to live under a tremendous burden of shame that was only brought to light when I hit rock bottom on multiple occasions.
Collectively, I believe we are working toward a tipping point of healing and awakening.
From our current place of darkness, hatred, fear, and blame, I believe many more people will reach a point where their bodies can no longer sustain these levels of shame and blame without collapsing. From this place of hollowed-out breakdown, a holy portal emerges. Each person will face a decision to either keep feeding themselves poison or to forgive themselves and heal.
Many people will accept the invitation from their soul and choose healing.
Others will choose smallness and keep clinging to their need to be “right” and make others “wrong” until the day the die.
That’s okay, because the collective momentum can still move into bringing shame into the light with compassion. When enough people are healed and awakened, love can truly lead the way.
But how do we get there? How do we move from this place of hurt and fear into a vision of a compassionate future? How do we create world where all beings can be fully expressed and empowered?
I bet you can guess my answer. We start with healing ourselves. We can ask inside:
Where am I feeling shame around racism/misogyny/transphobia/hatred/fill-in-the-blank that still lives inside of me?
How can I embody more self-love to heal the shame within me?
If you open your heart to this process, the most essential thing is to practice self-compassion. Just this week I discovered pockets of misogyny inside myself that wanted to be healed. There are always deeper layers to be met with grace and gentleness.
And while it’s not always easy, this kind of deep shadow work is immensely rewarding.
We come to know that we are whole, we are centered, and we are LOVE no matter what others do or say.
So take a deep breath. Give yourself a hug or whatever would feel nourishing right now. Healing is still the answer. Healing is still happening. We are still on a collective journey of awakening. Thanks to the love in our hearts and the light in our souls, we can pick up the pieces after hitting rock bottom. As many times as needed.
Let’s raise our voices together, because we got this.
P.S. Are you in need of support right now? Here is a list of therapists I recommend. Most of them work online and some see clients in-person in the Denver area.
Maggie Kerrigan: Healing After Trauma - Maggie Kerrigan - Westminster, CO
Amy Rose: Delight The World | Holistic Counseling & Consulting in Florida
Patti Harris: Plot Twist Counseling pllc | midlife women | 1495 Overlook Drive, Lafayette, CO, USA
Sue Relihan: Home - Find Serenity and Empowerment
Kerry Maiorca: Kerry Maiorca LLC - Somatic Therapy, Yoga & Sound in Boulder, CO
Michelle Wilson: Michelle Wilson