My creative projects were flowing like crazy for a full year. Building music websites, performing regularly, writing the rough draft of a book- they all came blessedly easy. I thought I was on a steam train blazing forward, never needing to stop and refuel.
And then all the steam evaporated. It seemed like a cosmic joke because as soon as my ego thought “I am getting pretty good at booking gigs” and “I never get writer's block,” I began this period of pause. Rejection emails poured in for all the gigs that I had applied for. And on the writing front... even the thought of working on my book proposal seemed too painful.
The blessing of this waiting period has been deep healing and lots of time to rest. And as I feel ready to unstick myself from my creative blocks, I am turning to an unlikely (for me) activity: cleaning!
I am not super tidy by nature (just ask my sister who has helped me clean out my closet multiple times.) But it feels so good to clear away the clutter.
Photo by Alvin Engler on Unsplash
As I let go of the physical objects I no longer need, I find myself letting go of mental attachments. I can recycle the evaluation forms for the workshop I was excited to give but the organization canceled at the last minute. What is the use of holding on to it and staying disappointed?
I can give away the nice pants that are too tight around the waist- and be happy with the body I have right now.
Some things are very easy to get let go of- like the moldy can of tomato paste hiding in the back of the fridge. It's clear that no longer serves me! Many of my mental attachments, however, take more than a toss into the garbage bin. Releasing the past is an ongoing process, much like peeling the layers of a cabbage. (I know, people usually say the layers of an onion, but I have never once peeled an onion in my life! Better stay true to experience:)
With so much cleaning and giving away, I am opening up space- and doing my best to enjoy the suspense of what may open up tomorrow.